quarrygirl

vegan “bbq sloppy faux” sandwich on special right now at mendocino farms: shaved seitan and pinto beans slow braised in chipotle citrus barbeque sauce with avocado puree, vegenaise, pickled red onions, candied jalapenos, tomatoes, shredded romaine on toasted ciabatte. $9.50

jon wiener ate it, loved it, and sent us these pix. here’s his review:

Unlike The Shitty Beatles, the Sloppy Faux isn’t just a clever name.  It’s a fantastic combination of thinly-sliced seitan, big fat pinto beans, lettce, vegenaise, etc on amazing soft (with just the right amount of chew) ciabatta bread.  Each bite is a struggle because you are so happy to be eating the amazing sandwich, but so sad that each bite contributes to it being finished sooner.

What I wanted to say, however, has nothing to do with the experience of the sandwich, but with the name.

The Sloppy Faux is clearly a take on the Sloppy Joe.  When most people think of the Sloppy Joe, they probably are thinking about the meaty, saucy concoction that gets served in a bun so porous that it is incapable of holding the aforementioned death-slop, resulting in an in-tact top bun and a piece of bread-slime on the bottom.  

You probably remember them from the classic scene in Billy Madison (warning: the following clip contains ground up animal carcass - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJf8Je5H7-k ).

I grew up in New Jersey, not too far from New York City.  Where I’m from, a Sloppy Joe is something totally different.  It’s a t stacked sandwich consisting of several different meats (pastrami, corned beef, roast beef, turkey, etc), cole slaw, swiss cheese & russian dressing on rye bread.    It’s basically the TurDuckEn of deli sandwiches.  This is what they sometimes look like (warning…more rotting flesh): 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_V2vvFqyFKZ8/SLYru_oqcfI/AAAAAAAABo0/nCPA-MH32X0/s400/EvergreenSloppyJoe.jpg

Here’s an accurately labeled diagram from a very vegan unfriendly site called The Porkchop Express: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_V2vvFqyFKZ8/R-lT—OTDMI/AAAAAAAABYg/Er1kcjQEu8w/s1600/AnatomyOfASandwich.jpg

In my “pregan” days, these were a fixture at Super Bowl parties and downtown “hangs” with my friends.  Jeez…I was so young and stupid!

Anyway, as much as I loved the SLOPPY FAUX, it should consider a name change, should Mendocino Farms decide to add it to the regular menu, and create a true SLOPPY FAUX that matches the name more accurately.  Has anyone ground up seitan for a classic Sloppy Joe vibe?  Maybe create a New Jersey Sloppy Faux using different “meats” along with the seitan.  In fact, I’d like to challenge several Los Angeles vegan delis to step up and give it a try.  Locali?  Figuroa Produce?  Let’s start giving the Ruben a run for its money in the sandwich wars.